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Instinct Of Self​-​Destruction

by Absence Of Life

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1.
Through those days that stretch endlessly, Through those sidewalks, so alone. Past is only withering illusions. Shadows embrace me, Pain overfills me. Perception is blurry, Like the world around is blurred. Every tormenting dream is Merely meant absurd. At night, the mind is filled with nightmares. Life is like a detested and boring plot. So worthless, so woeful living. These walls like a coffin, the sky as a putrid soil... Every tormenting dream is Merely meant absurd. My only sacred intent Is my devotion to pain. Devoted to suffer, Devoted to hate! Devoted to suffer, Devoted to hate! Devoted to suffer, Devoted to hate! Devoted to suffer, Devoted to hate! My only sacred intent Is my devotion to pain.
2.
Among the ocean of memories, Drowning in apathy, Every step I make is One step closer to death. I see the ruins of my weakened mind, I feel the cold of my broken heart. It's time to stop this neverending nightmare. I'll meet the sky in this room. Mortified conscious Falls into a drunken sleep. I'm giving myself entirely To the monotony of existence. I see the ruins of my weakened mind, I feel the cold of my broken heart. It's time to stop this neverending nightmare. I'll meet the sky in this room. Helpless and useless I tear my face to pieces, I hear hundreds of voices And none of them tells me to stop. I see the ruins of my weakened mind, I feel the cold of my broken heart. It's time to stop this neverending nightmare. I'll meet the sky in this room.
3.
Under my skin Worms of consciousness live. Feel my pain, I can't stop this! They swarm, They spawn a web of thoughts. It itches under the bones Of my skull, I can't sleep with that! The wind outside is whispering suicide songs... As night lasts, these songs become The only hearable sound. The feeling of abomination To everything I have done. Sick, infected, wounded mind... No more can I hear my own cry. Staring at all these bloodstains. The rhythm of life feels paralyzed... Countless hours spent on fighting yourself, Countless nights spent in horror. I live with my worms, I sleep with my worms. They gnaw me on cold nights, They gnaw my dead roots. They swarm under my skin While I sleep in cold nights... All worms eat a piece of me And I live like a dry tree.
4.
5.
We walk through heaps of trash from dead memories, We stumble and fall into a puddle of despair Or our own vomit. Cheap life buried in a cheap body. We are not happy, we are just drunk. Past affections, Bitter memories, Buried relations, Blurred temptations - Was it at least for a moment real? The road we need to undergo is getting darker. We could walk it through, but we are not able to get up anymore. Together shall we rot! Together shall we rot! Together shall we rot! Together shall we rot!
6.
The past, the future - unattainable sleep. I follow you through my insane wakefulness, Obsessed with the decayed beauty of yours, With no compassion for our pathetic tears. Failure reflected in every new sun rising And in every sunset we have ever had. So long ago we should've abandoned the feelings and hope To stop our souls from bleeding. Rip my flesh, break my bones, Hate me as I hate myself! Let me stay as a victim beside you, Pierce my heart to break free from this grief. Hate me! Hate me! Negate my existence, Throw these words away As it was nothing but trash. Let me stay as a victim beside you, Let me hate you forever... The tears appear on my face, But I know there is no sadness in them. I know these are tears of hate.
7.
On The Edge 03:41
8.
My own body is a cage for me, My only desire is to become free. I dream about how the blood would flow out of my body through the numerous wounds. Cursed with this absurd existence, With only feelings, that lead me Through every hangover tear, To make everything even worse, It’s like an instinct - An instinct of self-destruction. New old fucking morning - headache and vomit. I hate everyone, but most of all - myself. I'm closing all doors and windows, I'm hiding, I'm not going out. The seeds the world planted inside me - The seeds of hate... They grew into terrifying feelings, Plaguing me, Replacing my heart, Annihilating everything human... The mirror shards... I can feel how sharp and cold they are, They are just like me... Now I feel those numerous wounds I dreamed of, Now I feel the darkness embracing Everything around me. No more horror In my eyes, No more struggle In my heart. The death itself Is whispering to me. One more step, One last step.
9.
Silence... Oh this stunning silence. Enveloped me, Drained me. So meaningless… I heard myself crying before And breathing heavily, And now I hear nothing. Not a single sound. Not a single quiet sigh... Take my hand, Have a look into my eyes, Divide my hatred And share your fears. Oblivious past, violent future. The soul was cursed to live. And the torturing thought - Sorrow will last forever… And the torturing thought - Sorrow will last forever. Wake up from this nightmare, Full of fright, And absorb the disease Called life. Oblivious past, violent future. The soul was cursed to live. And the murdering thought - Sorrow will last forever… And the murdering thought - Sorrow will last forever. Draw an empty painting, Reflecting your soul. In the maze of concrete eternal pillars You can finally leave yourself. Wandering in fog of your fears, Never will you get out. The sky was above, full of stars Now it's replaced with rotten ground. I see the rain drops falling just like those tears. I feel them on my wounded skin. I feel them, Mixed with blood. But all their beauty is now hidden. In this majestic and terrible silence. The torturing thought to realize - Sorrow will last forever.

about

With only feelings, that lead me.
To make everything even worse.
Like an instinct. Instinct Of Self-Destruction.


Music, vocals, lyrics by Forladt
Vocals, lyrics by Nokt
Drums by Déhá
Accordion (Cold Mournful Nights) by Nat Nazgul

Album Cover by Nat Nazgul (www.facebook.com/nat.nazgul)

Mixing & mastering by Déhá (www.facebook.com/cehaime)


CDs available on Der neue Weg music label (www.derneueweglabel.com)

credits

released October 11, 2021

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about

Absence Of Life Minsk, Belarus

Depressive Black Metal band from Minsk, Belarus.
Currently based in Tbilisi, Georgia.

Current Line Up: Forladt - All instruments, Lyrics, Vocals.

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